we are the world

February 4, 2010 in donate, hodgkin's lymphoma | Tags: , , | Leave a comment

make the call

it’s fast, it’s easy, it might save a life.
send a message 

from livestrong.com:

it’s world cancer day and we’re all doing our part to encourage our friends and family to take some simple steps to fight cancer.  one important way to guard against cancer is to talk to your doctor about your risk factors.

will you send the message below to your friends and family, asking them to check in with their doctor today?  a little encouragement goes a long way and we all have to work together to keep our loved ones healthy.

there’s a choice we’re making.  we’re saving our own lives.

i’m free

November 28, 2009 in attachment parenting, breastfeeding, chemotherapy, hodgkin's lymphoma, parenting | Tags: , , , , , , , | 5 comments

(but not) to do what i want any ol’ time. i’m just unhooked momentarily from tubes, which i have to say, is in fact,  heavenly.  i’m also really tired a can’t feel my way to type.  so here’s the round ‘up you’ve all been eagerly awaiting and hoping against hope for.

november 15,  a sunday, i checked into casa doyle for some amazing fun, food and frivolity.  seriously, i could totally live there as the non-participating sister wife.  dude, everyone needs a housewife and my dearest of friends does not disappoint.  there was coffee ready every morning.  we cooked breakfast, went out to lunches, ordered in for fun and made some spectacular dinners.  mostly i just stood there when the spectacular dinners were emerging.  there were two mammas, two nurslings, and (eventually two) very happy daddies with ex-disney girls for wives. 

monday, november 16th through wednesday, november 18th my amazing friend drove me to the pathology lab that does stem cell harvesting.  thursday, november 19th i was admitted here to the bmt (bone marrow transplant) unit.  all bmt units are generally still referred to as such since autologous and donor stem cell transplants are relatively new.  well, new enough not rename the units yet.my havest days were uneventful.  so was my check-in day.then day -5 (11/20) i started high-dose ICE chemo.  that lasted through the weekend and finished up on the early pat of day-2 (11/24).  the days -2 and -1 were mostly fluids and resting, and let me tell you, plenty of barfing.  nasty!

i got my stem cells back on wednesday, november 25, day 0.

we’re at day +3, and it’s saturday, november 28th.  i spiked a high fever last night, as was expected at some point.  i got all of my lines, blood and urine cultures right away.  then i woke up after a few hours of iv antibiotics and needed some benadryl to combat the red man syndrome i was suffering.

so there it is, my life in a nutshell so far.  i’m sure i missed plenty and didn’t talk any about the hospital drama with nugget visiting, but they’ve already beaten me back to a half slumber with the benadryl and reconnected me while i typed.

more to come, i promise!

over the river and through the woods

November 26, 2009 in blogging, holidays, meme | Tags: , | 3 comments

i’d like to take a special moment to thank all of you, my readers, for joining me as i drag you alongside me, over the river and through the woods.  i’d also to thank our families, my hero – my husband, my life – my daughter and our valiant oncology nurse, megan.

thank you all for being at my side, in whatever capacity that might be.

lest we forget how fragile we are

October 12, 2009 in blogging, hodgkin's lymphoma, meme | Tags: , , , , , | 7 comments

my blog is not a goldfish.  i didn’t forget you were here, waiting for the little flakes to fall like tears from a star.

i’ve spent the better part of today looking for myself, wondering what happened to me, if i might remember, and so that i don’t forget again.  there have just been so many days in such a very long row that i’ve been lost, lost to myself, to my family, my friends, my neighbors, to you.

this afternoon i put in a few more hours working on my office.  i found some of my tools in the garage.  i’d missed calling them mine.  i found spools of ribbon in a cabinet and remembered the christmases, birthdays and weddings i’d gotten them for.  i hung rolls of pretty wrapping paper on freshly painted rods while listening to music i hadn’t heard in far too long.  i heard forgotten memories in long-loved lyrics and found little bits of myself tucked into drawers, hidden away in boxes and slid between the pages of books.

the room isn’t finished and neither am i.  i have so many things to do.  i hear a thousand projects and unanswered thoughts calling my name.  perhaps it’s here, in my own space, that i’ll be able to sort through them all.

i had a pet scan this morning.  it should determine if i am in remission.  it’s unheard results are weighing heavily on my heart and mind.  it’s hard to focus when there’s so much to see through.

i still need help to get through most days, somtimes paralyzed by a fear that hangs on to me like a shadow.  it’s hard to ask for help day after day.  it’s hard to watch myself being consumed or idly slipping away.  but even though i might not be all there, i am still here, waiting, just like you.

castles are burning in my heart

September 11, 2009 in blogging, meme, su2c.org | Tags: , , , | 3 comments

 su2c asked on twitter if we remebered what we were doing eight years ago on september 11th, 2001.  we were living in manhattan.  i was on my way to work.  the streets were filled with frantic police officers.  it was horribly and wonderfully loud, as manhattan so reliably is, but you could feel an eery silence beginning to settle over the city.

there was a mass exodus on foot.  people fled the city via every bridge possible.  the subways and trains weren’t in service.  grand central was locked down because of bomb threat. our building was locked down, too.  a cell phone signal near impossible to come by.

nuggetdaddy was working in new jersey then and i was finally able to get a hold of him.  we decided i would take the first train out of the city and he would pick me up whereve we could both get to.  i made it on the first train out of grand central.  it was sweltering.  the train filled with an acrid stench.   most passengers were covered in a heavy white dust, and in more than their fair share of blood.

it didn’t matter where the train was going, people just got on in hopes of making it out of the city.  the train stopped at every single station en route.  it took seemingly forever.

nuggetdaddy picked me up at the fleetwood stop and we decded to try to drive back into the city.  we had pets and freinds to check on.  family and friends desperate to hear our voices.  we were finally able to make it back in over some tiny bridge in the bronx.

by now the city was silent.  there were no planes in the air, no people on the streets.  when we woke up the next morning the wind had changed direction.  the stench was unbearable.  we stayed in the apartment all weekend, happy to be alive and at home with the pets and dr. roommate.

so, su2c, there’s your answer!

ladies’ night

September 4, 2009 in blogging, chemotherapy, hodgkin's lymphoma, holidays, meme | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 comments

tonight, i’m going out with the ladies from our neighborhood for what they’ve aptly named “ladies’ night.”  i’ve been terribly depressed for a good while now, so hopefully this will provide me with a much needed, albeit short, mental respite.

it’s hard to blog when i’m depressed.  you can gauge my state of mind for yourself just by the frequency of my posts.

monday, i go back to inova loudoun for the week for my last dose of eshap chemo before my transplant.  no, cancer doesn’t get labor day off.

snap my life

August 29, 2009 in blogging, chemotherapy, environment, food, gardening, green living, hodgkin's lymphoma, meme, organic | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

it’s hard for me to blog wen i’m home from the hospital, have chemo brain and family staying with us to help.  so, this morning i snapped a bunch of garden pics for my twitter feed.  check those out here and follow me on twitter, subscribe to or watch my twitter feed, “tweet, tweet” on the sidebar when you’re waiting for me to blog.

i want a new drug

August 21, 2009 in chemotherapy, hodgkin's lymphoma | Tags: , , , , , | 1 comment

last night as i was n, my blood pressure skyrocketed and gave me the most horrible headache i have ever had in my entire life. no exaggeration, no dramatic hyperbole. the worst ever.

thankfully, they lowered my bp with meds and gave me some dilauded for the pain. i’m doing much better today, but it was indeed quite a scare. i seriously though my brain might explode.

blood of my blood

August 19, 2009 in chemotherapy, hodgkin's lymphoma | Tags: , , | 2 comments

so, today i get to have a transfusion. yeah, me! maybe i’ll have more to say about it after i’ve had it. wish me luck.

third time’s a charm?

August 18, 2009 in chemotherapy, hodgkin's lymphoma | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 3 comments

well, not exactly. just got the news that i’ll have to do a fourth chemo before my transplant. this is going to be a short post so i don’t swear a lot in front of my grandparents. ugh.

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