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here’s what i have to report after yesterday’s appointment.
well, it’s either stage 2 or stage 2a. the a or b is determined by the presence of systemic symptoms like fever, nightsweats, etc. the majority of the nodes involved are in the left side of my neck and in my chest, nothing beow the diapragm. the marrow biopsy was negative but the pet scan shows that the spinal section near the affected area of my chest might also be involved.
i’m tentatively scheduled to start treatment on thursday. i don’t have to. my doctor said if i wanted more time with nugget i could have it because this type of cancer isn’t going to change in just a few days.
i have an appointment today with the oncology nurse practitioner to go over a bunch of things, kind of like the way they do it at the reproductive endocrinologist (ivf clinic). my mom is going with me this time because she hasn’t met the oncologist yet. i’ll decide when i’m going to start treatment after discussing our schedules with the nurse.
the first treatment will take the longest because they have to go slowly to check for any allergic reactions. after that each session will take around three hours.
i’ve ordered two books, anthony bourdain’s the nasty bits and lewis black’s me of little faith, but i’ll definitely be needing to download a bounty of new podcasts to help pass the time. i’ve been in the treatment room once before, but it was mostly filled with older people who all seemed very into their various magazines and healthy snacks from home. somehow i don’t see them providing me with hours of entertainment.
we’re meeting with the oncologist this afternoon. i suppose now we’ll start to get some answers. how sick am i? what kind of treatment? when will it start? how long will it take? as you can imagine, the list goes on and on. in fact, i bet you’ve already asked me your own list of questions. everyone who calls or writes has their own set, but they’re almost all the same.
“how are you?” really, how am i? shitty.
“when do you go to the doctor next?” today.
“what stage is it?” i don’t know yet.
“how’s your husband?” he’s fine. he doesn’t have cancer.
“how’s your daughter?” right now? she’s fine. why don’t you ask me again after i’ve started chemo and she’s crying hysterically because she wants to nurse and i can’t?
“is there anything i can do?” yes. you can call me. or visit. or write. a lot. i need more distraction than you think. please do not make me bad food or offer to take my daughter somewhere. let me complain. let me sleep. don’t think you need to tell me how i need to “keep a positive attitude” or that “kids are so resiliant.” don’t tell me about your problems. i don’t give a shit.
the nugget is an excellent signer. you would think we would have been using a sign for “nurse” since it is her hands-down favorite thing to do. sadly, we haven’t. i just haven’t found a non-farm animal-related sign that suited us. so, today i decided to abridge the standard asl sign for “milk” to just an open-and-close motion, one less indicative of handling an udder. we’ll see how it goes.
i also like this woman’s suggestion (excerpted from lifeprint.com):
“currently we sign MOMMY and MILK. It would be so much faster to combine the signs and sign MILK while my thumb is on my chin for the sign MOMMY. basically it would be thumb on chin, and squeezing the remaining fingers.”
read the rest of her question and dr. vicar’s answer here.
whatchoo talkin' 'bout?