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tomorrow is the day of my, as my friends and i like say, “come to jesus” meeting with my oncologist. nugget and i will be making the trek up to nova and then are spending the night with friends.
i have no idea what the outcome will be from this appointment. maybe i’m done with chemo. maybe not. maybe i’m getting radiation. maybe not. i guess we’ll all find out tomorrow. i’ll be sure to post a quick update from my crackberry once tomorrow evening.
wish me luck. pray for me. chant. do it all, i need whatever i help can get.
phew!
thanksgiving was amazing, but now that all eighteen of our guests have finished the two turkeys and our four houseguests have safely returned home to their own, it’s back to regular life here at chez nugget.
yesterday, i painted the laundry room restoration hardware dusk in anticipation on the arrival of our dryer from lowes. they keep calling us to postpone. damn it, i need that freaking dryer and it had better show up today! the ceiling will be graphite. i also painted the linen closet on the second floor dusk.
our mattress is scheduled for delivery today as well. no more sleeping on the twin mattress on the floor in the middle of the california king frame, fun as it’s been and all. (and no more couch or guest room for nugget daddy.)
today is moving day! well, moving out day. we’re finally saying goodbye to tiny apartment. bye! thanks for the small, cramped, carpeted memories.
today is also chemo day. i’m getting dose #12. it was supposed to be my last.
tomorrow, the movers will unpack at the house. grandad will pick up tantie from the airport. crate and barrel will deliver the informal dining room’s table, chairs and bench. and with any luck, lowe’s will finally deliver our dryer.
all of our days seem jam packed like that right now. they’re exciting times. they’re also stressful and tiring. like chemo, i’m looking forward to the end of what feels like a marathon. i’m looking forward to regular life.
just a quick post to say we finally closed on our new house! we’re looking forward to installing lighting and bath fixtures, having appliances delivered and putting up paint swatches today. i really need to get back to sleep!
my fever is gone. i can almost take a full, pain-free, deep breath. i might get to go home tomorrow. it will depend upon my chest x-ray, a conversation between my oncologist and pulmonologist about the true necessity of a lung biopsy and the availability of take-home oxygen tanks on sundays. happy thoughts! good night.
nugget daddy and her grandmamie brought nugget to my hospital room to get ready for trick-or-treating. she was, of course, beyond adorable in her tinker bell dress and wings, sparkly green tinker bell shoes, tinker bell wand and ballet pink tights. i pulled her tiny tresses up into the best tink-like puff i could manage, fluffed it up with plenty of hairspray and added a clip with tiny white flowers. she politely shrieked, “dada! dada!” and beamed with pride as she was showered in nugget daddy’s hair product. what, you didn’t think it was mine, did you?
then we selected where she wanted her green star stamps placed and where best the pink star stamps were suited for. earlier, i ‘d done a sample patch of each color on each of my cheeks so she could see how they both looked.
then we applied a very liberal dusting of pixie dust. i should have gotten her some “pixie dust” glitter of her own to keep in her “berry bucket” for dousing unsuspecting passers-by. ah well, there’s always next year!
we made a few rounds though the halls to the different nurses’ stations. nugget was heartbreakingly cute and insisted on holding my hand, always unsure of how to navigate around all the wires attached to her mama. i told her it was almost time to go to the mall for more trick-or-treating and that her grandmamie would be getting her the tinker bell movie while they were there.
we said our goodbyes and i swear, i just couldn’t get enough hugs or kisses from my sweet baby girl. i watched as they made their way down the hall, all the while nugget was cheerfully waving goodbye, happy as a clam, all pixied-up and ready for more candy collecting.
i stepped back into my room just as the tears started rolling down my face. i tried to sob silently for my own selfish sadness. i hoped she was having the time of her life, holding out her fat little felt flower bag – surely that’s what fairies collect halloween candy in – and squealing with delight with the acquisition of each new piece of candy. she had oh-so-politely signed “thank you” for each treat she’d collected from the nurses and i hoped that trend was continuing at the mall. i’m so very proud of my little tinklet.
i hope i can get out of here this weekend in time for the good post-pumpkin day costume sales at the disney store and old navy. otherwise, i might have to send someone armed with a fully charged cell phone and a whole lot of patience on my behalf!
i won’t be leaving the hospital anytime soon. i did get to see nugget yesterday, finally, so that made a world of difference. nugget daddy is supposed to bring her by again this morning after gymboree.
i hope more people decide to come visit. it’s getting really, really boring here and the tv remote only goes in one direction.
i’m making these harvest napkin ties right now. my dear friend michelle has sucked me into some serious acorn crafting this season.
my in the fight t-shirt from stand up to cancer finally arrived yesterday and is in the washer right now! i’m looking forward to wearing the hell out of it over the next month and then moving on to another one. perhaps one like this?
a woman i used to work with messaged me on myspace this week. i read it yesterday and it absolutely made my day, which i might add was spectacularly craptastic up until then.
“i started working at magic kingdom back in 1997 and only partially knew who you were. you were always cool to me at town square and spectromagic and stuff, but we were only acquaintances.i happened upon your page through mikki and started reading your blog, “bits of myself,” and i cannot help being taken by how fucking amazing you are. sorry for the language from someone you do not know, but i can’t think of any other words. i don’t even remember where i started the “bits,” but i backed up to where you found out you had cancer. by the time i got to your final breastfeeding with nugget, there were uncontrollable tears streaming down my face at how you kept apologizing to her, for something that you did not ask for.
i don’t know how much all of this means coming from someone you don’t know, but i just had to get this out. i was driving day parade floats when you were at mk with your baby girl, and i saw you two days in a row. knowing how painful it must be, there you stood in the sun, in a tank top, bald… smiling and waving.
i hope i didn’t weird you out with all this, but know that you have touched one more individual’s life. you are the strongest woman that i don’t know.”
i just needed to thank you for that and let you know that your kind words have touched my heart. thank you for reading my blog. and thank you to all of you who continue to do so. i hope you’ll all stay tuned for the exciting conclusion to this chapter of my life.
whatchoo talkin' 'bout?