yesterday, nuggetdaddy and i dropped nugget off at grandad & grandmamie’s and then made the trek up to loudoun hospital where i was admitted and started my first day of eshap chemotherapy.  i’ll be here at least until friday.  my oncologist said he plans to keep me until he feels i’m well enough to go home.

nugget and nuggetdaddy will come up on wednesday or thursday and stay with friends in lansdowne until i’m ready to leave.  

nugget is already missing her mama.  she loved the video email, but cried for me tonight when we skyped.  i had to call back after she got into her pajamas and sing her winnie-the-pooh songs while she jumped on the bed.

the nurses are great so far.  the pharmacist = FAIL.  it took foreverrrrrr to get my pain meds, and frankly they’re no better than what i take at home.   one likes to imagine that at least while in the hospital, pain might be better managed. ahem.

moving on… it’s late and normal people are sleeping. the steroids coursing through my veins say to me, “hey, let’s party!”   i think i’m going to turn on the tv and take some ativan shortly to see if i can trick my body into sleeping.

good night, all. we’re only $74 from goal #2!  i really hope we can meet (& surpass) it while i’m in for this first dose of chemo!

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in response to reaching the $3600 goal:

YEAH!!! you guys (and ladies) rock!  i am SO touched by your genorosity.  i hope you’ll continue to spread the word. feel free to pass along this link: http://bitsofmyself.com/help-me-make-a-stand/ it will give interested readers a taste of my blog and show them exactly how they can doante directly to my team.

want to search for my star in the constellation? check it out & pass it along! go to: http://www.standup2cancer.org/constellation-launch?op=search

. . . . . . . . . . .

i’m deep into day two now.  feeling nauseated and in pain at times.  a wicked headache sprung up on me.  my face is a lovely shade of red from the chemo.  it happened last time, too.

i didn’t get much sleep last night (but that’s a story for another day’s post) so i’m going to try for a nap now.  wish me luck, since it’s shift switch time, and nothing good ever happens then.

there’s been much discussion over the arrival of my pain meds.  i’ve been asking for them since 3pm.  it’s now 10:07pm.  i’m in pain, and now super irritated.  grrr…

as many of you know, my darling little (yet much taller than me) sister is getting married.  she and her fiance have been together as long as nuggetdaddy and i.  they were made for each other, wholly and completely, if two people ever were.

they just had their engagement photo shoot (so jealous) with the amazingly talented aaron thompson.

i caught a sneak peak on aaron’s blog and for just a few moments, everything was right with the world.  i was moved to tears for the first time in weeks, not out of sorrow or heartbreak, but from simple happiness.

the photos are spectacular and truly capture a visual proof of their love. together they are magic.  they are unstoppable.  i know they will make this world a better place.  they already do for me.

you can see the rest of the session at:

http://iheartas.com/blog/candice-jeff-enagement-session.html

yesterday afternoon, nugget and i picked wild blackberries in the backyard and counted the first of our bloody butcher tomatoes in the garden.  this memory alone could get me through chemo.

today, we met with the transplant oncologist at george washington university hospital cancer center in dc.  the plan is for me to start chemo (eshap) on monday at loudoun hospital with my original oncologist and then go to george washington for the stem cell harvest & transplant.

unlike my last chemo (abvd), this one is administered in-patient over the course of 5 days.  hopefully 2-4 cycles will put me in remission. each cycle will take 4 weeks.

once i’m in remission i’ll go back to dc for the stem cell harvest and transplant.  i will spend 2-3 weeks in-patient at george washington.  this will likely not happen until after my sister’s wedding in november.

my standup2cancer team has already raised $2,730.  we’re even listed in the “top 50″ teams now!  this fundraising effort is so very important to me in a time when i feel most helpless.  please continue to help my family and me as we once again fight this horrible disease.

nugget is in no mood for me to be blogging, so away i go.  goodnight, friends.

i need a new blog project!  in my head it seemed original, but come to find out it isn’t.  no, not one bit.

on facebook you can find a bunch of bloggers telling su2c what they stand for.  shown here is brad from cancer is boring.  (brad, i very much agree.)

nevertheless, i’d like you to send me your pictures – here’s the twist – of you in your standup2cancer t-shirts telling me for what, whom or why you’re standing up.  i’ll add your photos to the help me make a stand page, much like the locks of  love page, and pimp your blog, store, cd release… you name it.

so, go on, get busy!  go to the su2c shop at cafepress and order your shirt.  then send me your photos of you in said shirt with your sign and whatever info you’d like published alongside your photo.

and remember, cafepress fulfills su2c orders at a 25% discount, enabling su2c to direct the discounted monies towards cancer research!

one of the greatest things about organic gardening + toddlers is that some nights you find a d’avignon radish in nuggetdaddy’s bathroom drawer.

tomorrow, nuggetdaddy and i are heading up to northern virginia to see my original oncologist.

we love him.

okay, i know, i know two posts in one day is unusual for me.  but, here’s the deal.  someone called and spoke to nuggetdaddy, informing him that friday’s biopsy would no longer be done endoscopically.  now they plan to just do an aspiration straight through my chest wall.  no explanation as to why.  he sprung this news on me at 5pm, so of course there was no one, anywhere, available to answer my questions about what in the hell they’re thinking.

um, no.  local oncologist = fired.  no chance in hell will i be showing up to some random doctor with no prior explanation of the procedure, knowledge of who he is and a complete understanding of exactly why it’s being done that way.  stabbing me in the chest with needle is not something i’m quick to agree to.

my oncologist from northern virginia, the one who treated me the first time, called me at home twice tonight.  i’m so upset that i was at my mom’s and missed both calls!  i’ll be calling him back first thing in the morning and begging to see him or his nurse practitioner on friday.

tomorrow, i’ll still go for my ct scan, and i will sit there until they hand me a cd of my scan.  hopefully that’s the last time i’ll be stepping foot in that hospital, regardless of who in my family works there.

tomorrow, i’m having a ct scan with contrast, which means (lucky me!) i get to chug two nasty bottles of “banana smoothie” readi-cat barium.  barf.

friday, i’m having a biopsy; more specifically, an endoscopic ultrasound-guided fine-needle aspiration of mediastinal adenopathy.  what a treat.

sunday, we’ll celebrate father’s day with my parents and grandparents with a barbecue at our house.  that night my friend arrives from georgia.

monday, i’ll make a quick and early jaunt to the hospital for another pulmonary function test and muga scan.  these are just pre-chemo baselines.  then more friends should arrive.  at least there are some bright spots to this weekend.

right now, i’m waiting for lots of doctors to call me back.  i don’t like the oncologist we met with yesterday.  i’d rather use my oncologist in northern virginia.  i love him and his staff.

i still need to be sent to a national cancer center for evaluation.  yesterday’s oncologist seemed rather ho-hum about that idea and looked at us as if we were asking for a first class trip to china.

thankfully my mother has been here daily, keeping things in line, cleaning, cooking and reminding me when nugget’s ready for a nap.  that would be now, and so am i.