allison has these awesome purple “fingers crossed” bracelets for sale here with all proceeds benefitting the trevor project, the leading national organization focused on crisis and suicide prevention efforts among lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning (LGBTQ) youth.  i suggest you snag the bargain priced 2-for-$8 value pack right now.  go on.  i’ll wait.  thanks!

now, while you’re waiting for your super cool do-gooding bracelets to arrive, why don’t you watch allison’s “fingers crossed” video?

wasn’t that totally amazing?

hey!  you can download “fingers crossed” for free right here.  why don’t you go check out the rest of allison’s sweet merch and downloads, and find out when you can catch her live in a town near you?  but not with like a net or anything.  you shouldn’t try to physically ensnare her.  just buy a ticket to her show and enjoy her performance.  sing along, clap loudly, browse the merch table (bring cash!), perhaps thank her kindly and then be on your way.

oh, right, the pet scan… i’ll start nagging for results as soon as the report is available, which is usually the following day.  i’m sure doctors love when patients do that.  and as always, i’ll let you know what i know when i know.

i’ve got my fingers crossed.  hope you do, too.

want the pieces.

but let’s not forget, this is mine, and sometimes

i just want the break.

and just like before, i’ve had it, a break from real life, a break from virginia, a break from cancer. and just like before, i’m back. things are happening and i’m here to tell you about them.

something big is in the works. stay tuned and check back often. better yet, subscribe! xxoo

okay, let’s talk about why i chose poor josh kilmer-purcell as the brunt of my prank on the internets (mainly google’s seo algorithm).   first of all, i love, love, love josh kilmer-purcell.  josh kilmer-purcell is wicked entertaining.  josh kilmer-purcell and his hotty mcsmarty-pants doctor hubs, dr. brent ridge of her holiness martha stewart fame (squee!), are the fabulous beekman boys.  the fabulous beekman boys, which airs on planet green is always hilarious, witty, beautiful, often poignant and, well, of course fabulous.  josh kilmer-purcell‘s television show is my new crack.  if i were a gay man, or any man for that matter, i would absolutely want to be josh kilmer-purcell.  or maybe dr. brent ridge, because he is josh kilmer-purcell‘s man-of-interest.  let me think some more about that one…  josh kilmer-purcell and dr. brent ridge are both smart, funny and hot, so i could go both ways.  (“that’s what she said!”)

josh kilmer-purcell is a super witty author.  josh kilmer-purcell has published three fanfuckingtastic books, i am not myself these days, candy everybody wantsand the bucolic plague.  i suggest you click on over to amazon.com and order all three of the new york times bestselling author josh kilmer-purcell’s books.  click right here for josh kilmer-purcell’s books on amazon.com!  on josh kilmer-purcell’s super fabulous lifestyle brand beekman1802 website, josh kilmer-purcell lists instructions for having one’s copy of the bucolic plague signed by both josh kilmer-purcell and dr. brent ridge.  i am giddy with motherfucking delight over the prospect of this actually happening, but fear that once josh kilmer-purcell gets wind of this john c. mayer-ing business, josh kilmer-purcell will just drop my copy of the bucolic plague into the undoubtedly super stylish trash can behind the desk of josh kilmer-purcell and dr. brent ridge’s beekman 1802 mercantile in sharon springs, new york.  sigh.

now that you’re up to speed on who josh kilmer-purcell and dr. brent ridge, the fabulous beekman boys, are, let’s talk about all of the things i possibly have in common with josh kilmer-purcell.  and by “talk” i mean you sit here and read my incessant rambling about josh kilmer-purcell and myself and pretend like you see any sort of comparable similarities.  got it?  so first and foremost is the fact that josh kilmer-purcell and i have both have spent a lot of time dressing up in sparkly fabulous costumes.  josh kilmer-purcell used to perform as a drag queen.  i used to perform at walt disney world, with a lot of drag queens.  whoa!  did you see how drag queens just snuck into the conversation?!  i bet drag queens come up a lot when one is talking about, or even to, josh kilmer-purcell.  josh kilmer-purcell’s amazing book, i am not myself these days, is a memoir of josh kilmer-purcell’s escapades as “aquadisiac” and all of the fun josh kilmer-purcell had being aqua, a very glittery lady who wore a bra with goldfish in the cups.  i totally had goldfish when i was a kid.  sweet!  another point for me in my pursuit of comparison to josh kilmer-purcell.  and since we’re keeping score, john c. mayer has neither written a book, let alone three, nor worn an aquarium bra.  if i’m wrong on either account, john c. mayer feel free to post a response and i’ll retract that statement.

josh kilmer-purcell, 5 (1 for each book + 1 for each fish).  john c. mayer, 0.

(side note, to prove i really do love all things beekman boys and josh kilmer-purcell-related, i am watching the beekman1802.com live goat cam while writing this and, oh my god! i just saw josh kilmer-purcell’s llama, polka spot!  polka spot has a sweet new haircut… there she is again! i can see her fluffy tail!!! and goats!!  i wonder if i’ll see josh kilmer-purcell and dr. brent ridge’s goat farmer, farmer john?  or josh kilmer-purcell?  or dr. brent ridge?  i think i might pee myself a little if i did.)

alright.  besides wearing wigs, (did i mention wigs?) women’s clothing, performing in front of live audiences and goldfish-keeping, what else have i got in common with the illustrious mr. josh kilmer-purcell?  josh kilmer-purcell is a serious real life writer, so natch he has a blog.  hey, i have a blog!  hey, i have two blogs!  two more points for me.  i, however, am not a serious writer.  i am a mommyblogger who writes about her kid.  josh kilmer-purcell blogs about kids, too.  betcha thought i was about to lose a point there, huh?  better watch it or i’ll start taking points away from you.

did you know that i used to live in manhattan?  and that that’s where i met my hubs?  bam!  just like that, two more things that are exactly the same for me and josh kilmer-purcell.  is this too easy?  how about we both love gardening?  and composting?  and growing our own food?  and cooking?

josh kilmer-purcell once prepared food for jean-georges vongerichten and i once made a tart from a recipe by jean-georges vongerichten.  jeez, it’s like six degrees of kevin bacon with me and josh kilmer-purcell.

time to wrap it up and put this john c. mayer into action, folks.  josh kilmer-purcell is an ad man.  i used to be an ad girl.  in new york.  i know, right!  score!

and for the win, here we go: vodka.  yes, vodka is what puts a big, silky, red, hand-tied, martha stewart bow on top of this whole john c. mayer.  if aunt becky had named her blog something like, say, bring me a brandy, bitch! i probably would have skipped on over to something else.  but vodka is a drink i can get behind.  this mommy certainly wants vodka, too.  and josh kilmer-purcell also loves vodka!  touchdown.

final score:

josh kilmer-purcell, 8,387,216,387

me, 16

john c. mayer, still 0

(ps. please don’t hate me josh kilmer-purcell.  you and brent are genuine heroes of mine.  second only to martha stewart.)

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updated saturday, september 18, 2010, 1:28am to add:

it appears that if you google both josh kilmer-purcell and dr. brent ridge then this post about josh kilmer-purcell comes in at #5 on google’s first page.  would john c. mayer consider this success?

screencap:

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updated again to add this screencap taken saturday, september 18, 2010 at 10:30am for the google search “josh kilmer-purcell” and “dr. brent” in which this blog comes up as both #4 and #5!

mary jessica hammes has been working on my story for babygooroo.com.

it’s finally up.  go over and have a read, even if you think you already know it by heart.

click here to read “castles are burning in my heart”

and speaking of stand up to cancer, did you watch the telecast last night?  did you donate?  did you help find a cure?  did you save lives? did you stand up to cancer.  there’s still time. click here to donate or text STAND to 4020 to give $10.

where’s my army?  where’s my band of brothers?  (most of them, awol, i fear, gone bamboo, off lurking in their idyllic hideouts.)

i never said i’d be easy.  i never promised not to be a complete disaster.  i thought i held up a big end of the bargain.  i lived.

that didn’t end my war though.  so where are you? i’m not asking for your sympathy, your understanding, your tears.  i just want your help.  and if you can’t find your way to here to offer it, then let me come to you.

the cleanest i’ve been.  an end to the tears and the in-between years and the troubles i’ve seen?

well, at least for now.

this afternoon i had an appointment with my oncologist to go over my latest pet/ct scan results.  no uptake was noted except for in the thymus, which is expected post-transplant.

i’ll go back for a check-up in three months and if all is well then, i’ll have a ct scan three months after that.

wednesday’s results are really now just hours away. well, lots of hours, but still just hours now, and completely swallowing me whole.

we have a new pup. while i type, he lays next to me twitching with little doggie hiccups. he’s like a big, white, furry painkiller, sedative and heating pad all in one. now i understand animal therapy.

dogs need jobs, activities that will fill their days, occupy their thoughts and fulfill their sense of duty. mars knows his now. he takes care of me in my craziest of moments, naps at my side, escorts me downstairs at 3am and would undoubtedly protect me from even the slightest threat.

sure, he’d rather be chasing cats instead of being forced to “give them kisses!” or playing with the neighborhood dogs instead of learning to politely ignore the most exciting thing he sees all day, but he’s happily settling into his routine.

i wish i could bring him to all of my oncological appointments. i know he’ll be here waiting anxiously for me to get home, regardless of wednesday’s results. he’ll be more excited to see me than anyone else and couldn’t care less about how my scan went. mars is only interested in a pet if it starts on his head and trails down his back. good dog.

the new office actually called us yesterday afternoon asking to reschedule because someotherdoctor’sofficewhoshallremainnameless did not send the requested files.  apparently we are required to use their super special records request form. 

seems like perhaps they just wanted to get us on the phone so they could hear for themselves that in fact, no, we won’t ever be going back there, and yes, it’s just because we really don’t like them anymore.  um, i mean, “it’s just too far.”