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yesterday, nuggetdaddy and i dropped nugget off at grandad & grandmamie’s and then made the trek up to loudoun hospital where i was admitted and started my first day of eshap chemotherapy.  i’ll be here at least until friday.  my oncologist said he plans to keep me until he feels i’m well enough to go home.

nugget and nuggetdaddy will come up on wednesday or thursday and stay with friends in lansdowne until i’m ready to leave.  

nugget is already missing her mama.  she loved the video email, but cried for me tonight when we skyped.  i had to call back after she got into her pajamas and sing her winnie-the-pooh songs while she jumped on the bed.

the nurses are great so far.  the pharmacist = FAIL.  it took foreverrrrrr to get my pain meds, and frankly they’re no better than what i take at home.   one likes to imagine that at least while in the hospital, pain might be better managed. ahem.

moving on… it’s late and normal people are sleeping. the steroids coursing through my veins say to me, “hey, let’s party!”   i think i’m going to turn on the tv and take some ativan shortly to see if i can trick my body into sleeping.

good night, all. we’re only $74 from goal #2!  i really hope we can meet (& surpass) it while i’m in for this first dose of chemo!

. . . . . . . . . . .

in response to reaching the $3600 goal:

YEAH!!! you guys (and ladies) rock!  i am SO touched by your genorosity.  i hope you’ll continue to spread the word. feel free to pass along this link: http://bitsofmyself.com/help-me-make-a-stand/ it will give interested readers a taste of my blog and show them exactly how they can doante directly to my team.

want to search for my star in the constellation? check it out & pass it along! go to: http://www.standup2cancer.org/constellation-launch?op=search

. . . . . . . . . . .

babes in chemolandi’m deep into day two now.  feeling nauseated and in pain at times.  a wicked headache sprung up on me.  my face is a lovely shade of red from the chemo.  it happened last time, too.

i didn’t get much sleep last night (but that’s a story for another day’s post) so i’m going to try for a nap now.  wish me luck, since it’s shift switch time, and nothing good ever happens then.

photo by aaron thompson as many of you know, my darling little (yet much taller than me) sister is getting married.  she and her fiance have been together as long as nuggetdaddy and i.  they were made for each other, wholly and completely, if two people ever were.

they just had their engagement photo shoot (so jealous) with the amazingly talented aaron thompson.

i caught a sneak peak on aaron’s blog and for just a few moments, everything was right with the world.  i was moved to tears for the first time in weeks, not out of sorrow or heartbreak, but from simple happiness.

the photos are spectacular and truly capture a visual proof of their love. together they are magic.  they are unstoppable.  i know they will make this world a better place.  they already do for me.

you can see the rest of the session at:

http://iheartas.com/blog/candice-jeff-enagement-session.html

tomorrow, nuggetdaddy and i are heading up to northern virginia to see my original oncologist.

we love him.

okay, i know, i know two posts in one day is unusual for me.  but, here’s the deal.  someone called and spoke to nuggetdaddy, informing him that friday’s biopsy would no longer be done endoscopically.  now they plan to just do an aspiration straight through my chest wall.  no explanation as to why.  he sprung this news on me at 5pm, so of course there was no one, anywhere, available to answer my questions about what in the hell they’re thinking.

um, no.  local oncologist = fired.  no chance in hell will i be showing up to some random doctor with no prior explanation of the procedure, knowledge of who he is and a complete understanding of exactly why it’s being done that way.  stabbing me in the chest with needle is not something i’m quick to agree to.

my oncologist from northern virginia, the one who treated me the first time, called me at home twice tonight.  i’m so upset that i was at my mom’s and missed both calls!  i’ll be calling him back first thing in the morning and begging to see him or his nurse practitioner on friday.

tomorrow, i’ll still go for my ct scan, and i will sit there until they hand me a cd of my scan.  hopefully that’s the last time i’ll be stepping foot in that hospital, regardless of who in my family works there.

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today is the day i start my journey on the road to battle, my second battle, against hodgkin’s lymphoma.  i’m asking you, my friends, my family, my neighbors, my husband’s co-workers, my best friend’s school, my stylist’s salon, my doctors and nurses, my blogosphere cohorts, my readers, to join me.  walk alongside me, hold my hand and help my family as we once again stand up to cancer.

in my previous post, i mentioned the su2c.org team i started.  have you joined yet?  have you donated?  did you help spread the word?

i’m asking for your blog posts, your tweets, your plurks, your stumbles and diggs.  email everyone you know.  i need you to.  you.  i need your help.

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i saw my gp today. he is working with my nova oncologist and setting me up with a local one, whom i will likely meet with tomorrow. together we will all pow-wow over what national cancer center my case will go to for review.

i also had an extremely helpful conversation this afternoon with a family friend who is an oncology hematologist. he was able to clearly explain what we’ll need to evaluate, how, where and why.

i am no longer part of the 80% club, the 80% of hodgkin’s patients who are cured with just one treatment. we are still expecting a cure at this point, but the seriousness and urgencey is markedly increased now that i am a repeat offender.

i don’t really have much else to add for today. so, goodnight friends.

i had a PET scan monday afternoon. this evening i got the results from my uncle, since he’s the chief of radiology at the hospital i go to now in richmond. the initial report concludes that the disease is back.

i called my oncologist’s answering service and he called me right away. he’ll be reviewing the scan with his radiologist first thing tomorrow and then we’ll have another call by 11am.

i coincidentally have an appointment with my gp tomorrow for what we thought was a lingering sinus infection. nope, that’s just the cancer giving me the fever.

my uncle is setting me up with an oncologist down here. assuming this is the real deal, i’ll have to start chemo asap. they’re also talking stem cell harvest.

i’m posting this update via crackberry from bed with nugget happily draped across me, asleep, nursing and clutching the other boob in her little fist.

i asked her if she remembered having to stop nursing before. i sobbed and tried my best to reassure her that we will try so very hard to make it back to where we are now.

this is beyond horrifying. i can’t believe we have to go through this again. i can’t believe i have to force my baby girl to stop nursing again. the chemo, that’s nothing.

fuck you, cancer. fuck you very, very much.

nugget and i spent the past three days celebrating the end of a successful round of chemo and our return to nursing.  disney doesn’t have a button for that, but we still had a fantastic experience.

our sincerest thanks and gratitude to the new parade cast and characters at the paradise pier breakfast. you all made our celebration absolutely magical.

pictures soon, i promise!

today, nugget and i are at disneyland, the happiest place on earth, with auntie krista, and it is just indeed that.

stitch, pluto and daisy duck welcomed us to the paradise pier hotel this morning. they asked nugget to have breakfast with them tomorrow morning and she happily agreed.

right now, nugget is enjoying high school marching bands and a mickey mouse ice cream sandwich while we wait on castle hub for the new parade, celebrate! a street party, to start.

we met tinker bell and her fairy friend, fawn after lunch. nugget is really looking forward to seeing her fly during fireworks tonight.

we’ll have lots of photos of our celebration to post when we get home, so be sure to check back soon for those!

 

my sister’s one-day sister-in-law (i just know it!) tagged me in a facebook note, “end of year meme.”  it would have been sooo easy to use the majority of her answers because, dude, it’s like she wrote them just for me!  but, alas, she did not, so i’ve crafted my own responses just for you.

 

  1. what did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?
    was diagnosed with and treated for cancer
  2.  

  3. did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
    i don’t make them
  4.  

  5. did anyone close to you give birth?
    most recently, the greenes welcomed their twin girls
  6.  

  7. did anyone close to you die?
    i lost an old friend.  he was a great man.
  8.  

  9. what countries did you visit?
    chemoland.  it sucked.
    walt disney world
  10.  

  11. what would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
    energy and hair
  12.  

  13. what date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
    june 12th, it was the last time i nursed my daughter before i started chemo
  14.  

  15. what was your biggest achievement of the year?
    resuming nursing after battling cancer
  16.  

  17. what was your biggest failure?
    having to stop nursing
    yes,  i realize that was beyond my control, but to me it felt like failure.
  18.  

  19. did you suffer illness or injury?
    yes
  20.  

  21. what was the best thing you bought?
    our new house
  22.  

  23. whose behavior merited celebration?
    my mother’s
    my husband’s
    my daughter’s
  24.  

  25. whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
    northern virginia’s drivers
  26.  

  27. where did most of your money go?
    our new house
  28.  

  29. what did you get really, really, really excited about?
    taking my daughter to disney for the first time
  30.  

  31. what song will always remind you of 2008?
    the hot dog song
  32.  

  33. compared to this time last year, are you:
    happier or sadder?  happier
    thinner or fatter?  fatter
    richer or poorer?  poorer
  34.  

  35. what do you wish you’d done more of?
    crafted more homemade gifts
    visited more friends
    blogged more
    taken more photos and video of my family and friends
  36.  

  37. what do you wish you’d done less of?
    had less cancer
    gained less weight
  38.  

  39. how did you spend christmas?
    at our new house with my husband’s parents, brother, sister-in-law, and my parents, grandparents, aunt & her family and her godparents & their family
  40.  

  41. did you fall in love in 2008?
    every day
  42.  

  43. how many one-night stands?
    (seriously?  this one i have to change to something more mommy blog- friendly)
  44.  
    what changes did you make to “green up” your lifestyle?
    collected more reusable shopping bags and got my mom in the habit of using them, too
    started a compost pile
    chose a tankless hot water heater for the new house
     

  45. what was your favorite tv show?
    lost
  46.  

  47. do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
    hate?  that’s much too strong of a word.
  48.  

  49. what was the best book you read?
    did i read any books?  i know i started reading anthony bourdain’s the nasty bits, but i can’t even remember if i’ve finished it. 
  50.  

  51. what was your greatest musical discovery?
    steve burns’ and the flaming lips’ steven drozd’s ” i hog the ground”
     
  52.  

  53. what did you want and get?
    to nurse my daughter again
  54.  

  55. what did you want and not get?
    skinnier faster
  56.  

  57. what was your favorite film of this year?
    this is the last question i answered because, honestly, i can’t remember watching any movie in its entirety aside from charlie wilson’s war. so i guess that’s it.  though if i’d had opportunity to watch the x-files: i want to believe, i’m sure that would have beat out charlie wilson.
  58.  

  59. what did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
    went to my birthday party, 35
  60.  

  61. what one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
    having more energy and less nausea after chemo
  62.  

  63. how would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
    chemo casual
  64.  

  65. what kept you sane?
    prozac and ativan
  66.  

  67. which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
    oh, how i love me some brit-brit.  girl is a spectacular disaster!
  68.  

  69. what political issue stirred you the most?
    the presidential election, though that was more of a circus then an issue
  70.  

  71. whom did you miss?
    my friends from orlando
  72.  

  73. who was the best new person you met?
    my chemo nurse, danna
  74.  

  75. tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008:
    this is your life, right now.  this is what you get.  stop preparing for “someday” and start living it the way you want to now.
  76.  

  77. quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
    “it’s a brand new day,  whatcha  waitin’ for?”
  78.  

  79. tag five people to post their answers to this 2008 wrap-up meme. please link back to this blog from yours.
    non-lucid drivel
    the twinkies

    motherhood and cancer
    life with the moonhils
    returnjourney
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