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photo by candice eley
read the full post at my sister’s blog, if i had a photograph
today marks the passing of one year since my stem cell transplant.
last year i spent thanksgiving in the hospital fighting for my life. this year i celebrated at home with my family.
happy thanksgiving to you and yours. let’s do this again next year.
i’d like to take a special moment to thank all of you, my readers, for joining me as i drag you alongside me, over the river and through the woods. i’d also to thank our families, my hero – my husband, my life – my daughter and our valiant oncology nurse, megan.
thank you all for being at my side, in whatever capacity that might be.
tonight, i’m going out with the ladies from our neighborhood for what they’ve aptly named “ladies’ night.” i’ve been terribly depressed for a good while now, so hopefully this will provide me with a much needed, albeit short, mental respite.
it’s hard to blog when i’m depressed. you can gauge my state of mind for yourself just by the frequency of my posts.
monday, i go back to inova loudoun for the week for my last dose of eshap chemo before my transplant. no, cancer doesn’t get labor day off.
don’t you understand, tink? you mean more to me than anything in this whole world!
-peter pan (1953)
nugget daddy and her grandmamie brought nugget to my hospital room to get ready for trick-or-treating. she was, of course, beyond adorable in her tinker bell dress and wings, sparkly green tinker bell shoes, tinker bell wand and ballet pink tights. i pulled her tiny tresses up into the best tink-like puff i could manage, fluffed it up with plenty of hairspray and added a clip with tiny white flowers. she politely shrieked, “dada! dada!” and beamed with pride as she was showered in nugget daddy’s hair product. what, you didn’t think it was mine, did you?
then we selected where she wanted her green star stamps placed and where best the pink star stamps were suited for. earlier, i ‘d done a sample patch of each color on each of my cheeks so she could see how they both looked.
then we applied a very liberal dusting of pixie dust. i should have gotten her some “pixie dust” glitter of her own to keep in her “berry bucket” for dousing unsuspecting passers-by. ah well, there’s always next year!
we made a few rounds though the halls to the different nurses’ stations. nugget was heartbreakingly cute and insisted on holding my hand, always unsure of how to navigate around all the wires attached to her mama. i told her it was almost time to go to the mall for more trick-or-treating and that her grandmamie would be getting her the tinker bell movie while they were there.
we said our goodbyes and i swear, i just couldn’t get enough hugs or kisses from my sweet baby girl. i watched as they made their way down the hall, all the while nugget was cheerfully waving goodbye, happy as a clam, all pixied-up and ready for more candy collecting.
i stepped back into my room just as the tears started rolling down my face. i tried to sob silently for my own selfish sadness. i hoped she was having the time of her life, holding out her fat little felt flower bag – surely that’s what fairies collect halloween candy in – and squealing with delight with the acquisition of each new piece of candy. she had oh-so-politely signed “thank you” for each treat she’d collected from the nurses and i hoped that trend was continuing at the mall. i’m so very proud of my little tinklet.
i hope i can get out of here this weekend in time for the good post-pumpkin day costume sales at the disney store and old navy. otherwise, i might have to send someone armed with a fully charged cell phone and a whole lot of patience on my behalf!
bleomycin toxicity appears to be the real culprit behind the fever. the pneumonia they thought i might have had is actually pneumonitis. it’s basically the same thing, pneumonia being caused by infection while pneumonitis is not.
the treatment is steroids, solumedrol in my case. i’m getting it in my iv for now and will switch to pills once i go home.
i’m still on antibiotics, levaquin, as a precaution, though all of my blood cultures have been coming back negative.
right now i have to use extra oxygen to get up out of bed. hopefully, i’ll be breathing easier once the steroids are in full effect.
i’m terribly sad to be missing trick-or-treating with the nugget. nugget daddy will bring her here to get ready and maybe we’ll do a few laps around the nurses’ station before they head off to the halloween event at the mall. it’s going to be a little too cold for nugget to go door-to-door in her tinker bell costume, so the mall it is.
we’re hoping i’ll be well enough to leave the hospital this weekend. nugget’s grandmamie has been here taking care of her, and nugget daddy and i couldn’t be anymore grateful for all of her help. i’ll still need a lot of help once i’m back home, but i’m sure we’ll manage to work something out.
we’re anxious to see the progress on the new house. all the flooring is in, as are the cabinets, sinks, tubs, and granite counters. toilets and faucets should be in soon, if not already and appliance installation has started.
we’ve ordered all of the appliances that we chose not to buy from the builder and have almost all of the lighting fixtures now, too. we definitely weren’t spending our money with the builder on those selections.
we have crocus bulbs to throw down under the sod as it goes down. i’m hoping to be well enough to do it myself. they’ll make a spectaular addition to our lawn in winter as the first early sign of spring.
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