it’s been known for some time that a component of breastmilk, called human alpha-lactalbubin made lethal to tumor cells (HAMLET for short!) causes cancer cells to die.

you can read more of tanya’s post here and read what i did with my own breastmilk during my battle with cancer here.  tanya also ran a piece on my journey here.

november 15,  a sunday, i checked into casa doyle for some amazing fun, food and frivolity.  seriously, i could totally live there as the non-participating sister wife.  dude, everyone needs a housewife and my dearest of friends does not disappoint.  there was coffee ready every morning.  we cooked breakfast, went out to lunches, ordered in for fun and made some spectacular dinners.  mostly i just stood there when the spectacular dinners were emerging.  there were two mammas, two nurslings, and (eventually two) very happy daddies with ex-disney girls for wives. 

monday, november 16th through wednesday, november 18th my amazing friend drove me to the pathology lab that does stem cell harvesting.  thursday, november 19th i was admitted here to the bmt (bone marrow transplant) unit.  all bmt units are generally still referred to as such since autologous and donor stem cell transplants are relatively new.  well, new enough not rename the units yet.my havest days were uneventful.  so was my check-in day.then day -5 (11/20) i started high-dose ICE chemo.  that lasted through the weekend and finished up on the early pat of day-2 (11/24).  the days -2 and -1 were mostly fluids and resting, and let me tell you, plenty of barfing.  nasty!

i got my stem cells back on wednesday, november 25, day 0.

we’re at day +3, and it’s saturday, november 28th.  i spiked a high fever last night, as was expected at some point.  i got all of my lines, blood and urine cultures right away.  then i woke up after a few hours of iv antibiotics and needed some benadryl to combat the red man syndrome i was suffering.

so there it is, my life in a nutshell so far.  i’m sure i missed plenty and didn’t talk any about the hospital drama with nugget visiting, but they’ve already beaten me back to a half slumber with the benadryl and reconnected me while i typed.

more to come, i promise!

one of the labor & delivery nurses knitted her these amazing caps.  i would so wear them this week!  wouldn’t you?  and i have to point out the meticulous, anatomical correctness of the “ethnic” boob with its montgomery glands.  awesome.

the past few days i’ve spent with my head in the sand, as far as it will go, coming up for air only when someone insists on asking about tomorrow.

i’ve also invested a good bit of time in starting my own standup2cancer team.  you can join it here.  our first goal will be to raise $1500 by my 36th birthday on august 15th.  this will be my second birthday spent fighting this disease.

now, i’m asking you, dear reader, to do whatever you can.  join.  donate.  buy an awesome t-shirt.  invite everyone you know.

i called my oncologist’s answering service and he called me right away. he’ll be reviewing the scan with his radiologist first thing tomorrow and then we’ll have another call by 11am.

i coincidentally have an appointment with my gp tomorrow for what we thought was a lingering sinus infection. nope, that’s just the cancer giving me the fever.

my uncle is setting me up with an oncologist down here. assuming this is the real deal, i’ll have to start chemo asap. they’re also talking stem cell harvest.

i’m posting this update via crackberry from bed with nugget happily draped across me, asleep, nursing and clutching the other boob in her little fist.

i asked her if she remembered having to stop nursing before. i sobbed and tried my best to reassure her that we will try so very hard to make it back to where we are now.

this is beyond horrifying. i can’t believe we have to go through this again. i can’t believe i have to force my baby girl to stop nursing again. the chemo, that’s nothing.

fuck you, cancer. fuck you very, very much.

our sincerest thanks and gratitude to the new parade cast and characters at the paradise pier breakfast. you all made our celebration absolutely magical.

pictures soon, i promise!

my sister’s one-day sister-in-law (i just know it!) tagged me in a facebook note, “end of year meme.”  it would have been sooo easy to use the majority of her answers because, dude, it’s like she wrote them just for me!  but, alas, she did not, so i’ve crafted my own responses just for you.

1. what did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?
   was diagnosed with and treated for cancer

 

2. did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
   i don’t make them

 

3. did anyone close to you give birth?
   most recently, the greenes welcomed their twin girls

 

4. did anyone close to you die?
   i lost an old friend.  he was a great man.

 

5. what countries did you visit?
   chemoland.  it sucked.
   walt disney world

 

6. what would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
   energy and hair

 

7. what date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
   june 12^th, it was the last time i nursed my daughter before i started chemo

 

8. what was your biggest achievement of the year?
   resuming nursing after battling cancer

 

9. what was your biggest failure?
   having to stop nursing
   yes,  i realize that was beyond my control, but to me it felt like failure.

 

10. did you suffer illness or injury?
    yes

 

11. what was the best thing you bought?
    our new house

 

12. whose behavior merited celebration?
    my mother’s
    my husband’s
    my daughter’s

 

13. whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
    northern virginia’s drivers

 

14. where did most of your money go?
    our new house

 

15. what did you get really, really, really excited about?
    taking my daughter to disney for the first time

 

16. what song will always remind you of 2008?
    the hot dog song

 

17. compared to this time last year, are you:
    happier or sadder?  happier
    thinner or fatter?  fatter
    richer or poorer?  poorer

 

18. what do you wish you’d done more of?
    crafted more homemade gifts
    visited more friends
    blogged more
    taken more photos and video of my family and friends

 

19. what do you wish you’d done less of?
    had less cancer
    gained less weight

 

20. how did you spend christmas?
    at our new house with my husband’s parents, brother, sister-in-law, and my parents, grandparents, aunt & her family and her godparents & their family

 

21. did you fall in love in 2008?
    every day

 

22. how many one-night stands?
    (seriously?  this one i have to change to something more mommy blog- friendly)

 
what changes did you make to “green up” your lifestyle?
collected more reusable shopping bags and got my mom in the habit of using them, too
started a compost pile
chose a tankless hot water heater for the new house
 

23. what was your favorite tv show?
    lost

 

24. do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
    hate?  that’s much too strong of a word.

 

25. what was the best book you read?
    did i read any books?  i know i started reading anthony bourdain’s the nasty bits, but i can’t even remember if i’ve finished it. 

 

26. what was your greatest musical discovery?
    steve burns’ and the flaming lips’ steven drozd’s ” i hog the ground”
     

 

27. what did you want and get?
    to nurse my daughter again

 

28. what did you want and not get?
    skinnier faster

 

29. what was your favorite film of this year?
    this is the last question i answered because, honestly, i can’t remember watching any movie in its entirety aside from charlie wilson’s war. so i guess that’s it.  though if i’d had opportunity to watch the x-files: i want to believe, i’m sure that would have beat out charlie wilson.

 

30. what did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
    went to my birthday party, 35

 

31. what one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
    having more energy and less nausea after chemo

 

32. how would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
    chemo casual

 

33. what kept you sane?
    prozac and ativan

 

34. which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
    oh, how i love me some brit-brit.  girl is a spectacular disaster!

 

35. what political issue stirred you the most?
    the presidential election, though that was more of a circus then an issue

 

36. whom did you miss?
    my friends from orlando

 

37. who was the best new person you met?
    my chemo nurse, danna

 

38. tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008:
    this is your life, right now.  this is what you get.  stop preparing for “someday” and start living it the way you want to now.

 

39. quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
    “it’s a brand new day,  whatcha  waitin’ for?”

 

40. tag five people to post their answers to this 2008 wrap-up meme. please link back to this blog from yours.
    non-lucid drivel
    the twinkies
    motherhood and cancer
    life with the moonhils
    returnjourney