i had a PET scan monday afternoon. this evening i got the results from my uncle, since he’s the chief of radiology at the hospital i go to now in richmond. the initial report concludes that the disease is back.
i called my oncologist’s answering service and he called me right away. he’ll be reviewing the scan with his radiologist first thing tomorrow and then we’ll have another call by 11am.
i coincidentally have an appointment with my gp tomorrow for what we thought was a lingering sinus infection. nope, that’s just the cancer giving me the fever.
my uncle is setting me up with an oncologist down here. assuming this is the real deal, i’ll have to start chemo asap. they’re also talking stem cell harvest.
i’m posting this update via crackberry from bed with nugget happily draped across me, asleep, nursing and clutching the other boob in her little fist.
i asked her if she remembered having to stop nursing before. i sobbed and tried my best to reassure her that we will try so very hard to make it back to where we are now.
this is beyond horrifying. i can’t believe we have to go through this again. i can’t believe i have to force my baby girl to stop nursing again. the chemo, that’s nothing.
fuck you, cancer. fuck you very, very much.
11 comments
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June 13, 2009 at 1:40 pm
Half Pint Pixie
Oh no, I’m so sorry to read this is happening you again, this is just so crap for you and nugget, you will get through it, and you have friends all over the world thinking of you!
June 12, 2009 at 1:48 pm
Kayleigh
You don’t know me, but I’m a breastfeeding mom that has had to wean my 2.5yo due to a recent diagnosis of breast cancer. I’m stilll pre-op, pre-treatement (coming soon). Seeing those pix of you and your little one have touched my heart so many times. I am deeply, profoundly sorry that this hideous beast has come back to bite you again, and I wanted you to know that your feelings about nursing your little one particularly resonate with me. I understand. I mourn for your potential nursing interuption and wish with all my being that it is merely that, another interuption, brief as possible. I will constantly keep you and “nugget” in my heart.
Your strength is obvious. You can and will get thru this. I’m just so damned mad that you have to. It’s not fair.
Fuck cancer is right.
June 10, 2009 at 4:26 pm
tanya@motherwearblog
Oh, I am so sorry! Thinking good thoughts for you…
June 10, 2009 at 3:56 pm
Heather
Jenn, I want to let you know Im praying for ya. This totally fucking sucks!! Say it out loud!!! I hear ya. Let it out. Tons of hugs your way.
June 10, 2009 at 7:49 am
Kristie
I know it was many years ago that we briefly knew each other, but I have so enjoyed this opportunity though your site to learn what an incredible, brilliant, and strong person you are. You are so eloquent, but the first thing that comes to mind for me is how much this absolutely sucks! I know there are no right words to say, but know that you are on my mind and in my prayers constantly. I think that this site you have built is a wonderful tribute to your nugget, and will help her to understand someday what incredible lengths you went to in order to continue nursing her. She is very fortunate to have such a fighter as a momma!
June 10, 2009 at 5:33 am
Melissa
So sorry to hear this. Fuck you very much, indeed! Thoughts, prayers and non-fucktard hugs for all of you!
June 10, 2009 at 1:01 am
Rina
I am so sorry that you all are going to have to do this again. You are one of the strongest women I have ever ‘met’.
You are in my prayers.
June 10, 2009 at 12:39 am
Barbara
Smart girl – always go with gut instinct, it worked the first time – you know the right questions to ask the second time, you are not going in blindly this time! Find out the facts – Amen for the connections your family has and the connections you have been making along the way. You have been stealing hearts left & right XO I love you – I am praying hard girl – HARD!
LIVESTRONG SJ 7/12/09 baby – all for you XOXO
June 10, 2009 at 12:08 am
Tantie
i know i’ve said it a lot in the past few days, but i love you. (you too, genevieve!). it’s a long road, but you WILL beat it. we’re all gonna help you get there, i promise.
June 9, 2009 at 11:21 pm
troismommy
Oh Jenn! I am heartbroken that you have to go through this again! I am so sorry that you have to stop nursing again, and go through the treatments… everything! I know it’s no consolation, but you are amazing. You have kept up your supply for months while going through hell so that you could resume your nursing relationship with your daughter. You have given her so much, and while it breaks your heart into pieces to know that you have to stop, you have had a longer nursing relationship with her than most moms that I know that have no valid reason to stop. And some day when she’s older, she’ll understand how important it was to you, and how much you gave to her.
I’m holding you in my thoughts and prayers and thinking of you. If there’s anything I can do, please let me know! I know we’re not technically family, but as far as I’m concerned, we are.
<3
Genevieve
June 9, 2009 at 10:50 pm
Alina
I recently started following your blog. Cancer absolutely SUCKS. I hope you beat it. (hug)