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despite my attempts at dancing around it, i’m still inching closer to d-day, or rather, b-day. in preparation for starting chemo and stopping nursing, i went to babies ‘r us for two particular purchases this afternoon. the first was the adiri natural nurser. the second was a package of soothie pacifiers. i wasn’t proud of either of these purchases. my daughter’s never taken a bottle and abandoned the pacifier by the time we left the hospital. but here we are, nearly sixteen months later, and i’m trying to sell her on these breast replacements. sigh.
we also bought potties. the boon potty bench for her bathroom and a simpler, pink baby bjorn little potty for the second 
floor powder room.
my nerves are shot. my mom is back, and just in time.
you’ll be needing something vote-y to do now that this season’s american idol is over and top chef is coming to a close. so, go visit topmomma.com and click on our photo to vote for my blog!
visit often and votes lots.
wow! you all sure are full of questions lately. so, here you have it, straight from the horse’s mouth – which i’d like to add is one of nugget’s newest words. she surprised us both this morning while packing away a shot glass from kentucky by pointing to and saying “horse.”
anyhow, it seems i have some ‘splaining to do. perhaps, gentle reader, we know each very well. in that case you are likely painfully aware of my penchant for quotes, song, book, movie, tv and advertising-related.
maybe we’re members of a clique that torture each other regularly with this silly game and you’ve been playing along all the while, giggling with delight.
lots of you have been googling my post titles to figure out exactly why i came to string those very words together. i didn’t. someone else did. and since i like the way they said it, i used it to set the tone for that specific post, page or this entire blog. whatever they said, it is stuck in my head and has since become just one more piece of me.
sometimes i’ll quote a line or two if i really want to drive a point home, or make it a little more obvious where those words came from. maybe a song was grinding a deep groove in my brain and the only way to unstick the repeat button was to bang it out on a page. i might have purchased a new book or watched a movie, and the title is fresh in my mind. we might have had a chat on the phone recently and i thought you’d find it hilarious if i blogged about our conversation’s topic.
there’s also the chance that you’ve had no idea that i’ve been entertaining myself, and perhaps an equally nerdy friend or two, in this manner. see what fun you’ve been missing? you’d better make with the googling and catch up!
i think those of you who have been playing along at home need to step it up a notch and call it out when you know it. in fact, whoever gets the most correct answers each month will win a fabulous prize! oh, you’re sure to be delighted when you receive a fine packet of seeds, a collection of ugly local postcards, a vintage sewing pattern or my most recent one-of-a-kind crafty obsession project!
you’ve also been asking about sharing my blog with your friends, families, coworker, neighbors and postal carriers. silly rabbit! this is a public blog. i want you to share it with everyone. i also want you to keep in mind that i won’t censor myself for anyone’s benefit. if you don’t think grandma wants to hear me drop the occasional f-bomb or that you pastor doesn’t want to see my semi-exposed breast being used as nature and god intended, then perhaps you might want to direct them to a blog about kittens and puppies. if your sister is thinking about ivf or your milkman wants to read about attachment parenting, this might be the place for them! your boss has cancer and likes hear someone else’s bitching and moaning about it? then come on down! you’re the next contestant on bits of myself!
i hope i’ve sorted things out a bit for you and that you feel confidently informed. you have your answers now. now you know, and knowing is half the battle!
across the base of my throat is the mediastinoscopy scar.
the small (top) and large (bottom) incisions on my left side are from the mediport insertion.
the two small blistered spots (top) two large tears (center) and small blister (bottom, by port) are from the steri-strips.
the circular bulge is the port and the yellowing beneath it is some residual bruising.
i decided to start my treatment next thursday. until then i’m just trying to live my life as normal and enjoy spending some extra time with my mother and daughter.
here’s what i have to report after yesterday’s appointment.
well, it’s either stage 2 or stage 2a. the a or b is determined by the presence of systemic symptoms like fever, nightsweats, etc. the majority of the nodes involved are in the left side of my neck and in my chest, nothing beow the diapragm. the marrow biopsy was negative but the pet scan shows that the spinal section near the affected area of my chest might also be involved.
i’m tentatively scheduled to start treatment on thursday. i don’t have to. my doctor said if i wanted more time with nugget i could have it because this type of cancer isn’t going to change in just a few days.
i have an appointment today with the oncology nurse practitioner to go over a bunch of things, kind of like the way they do it at the reproductive endocrinologist (ivf clinic). my mom is going with me this time because she hasn’t met the oncologist yet. i’ll decide when i’m going to start treatment after discussing our schedules with the nurse.
the first treatment will take the longest because they have to go slowly to check for any allergic reactions. after that each session will take around three hours.
i’ve ordered two books, anthony bourdain’s the nasty bits and lewis black’s me of little faith, but i’ll definitely be needing to download a bounty of new podcasts to help pass the time. i’ve been in the treatment room once before, but it was mostly filled with older people who all seemed very into their various magazines and healthy snacks from home. somehow i don’t see them providing me with hours of entertainment.
we interrupt your regularly scheduled meme for a special report, courtesy of nugget’s tantie.
well, i never made it to the movies. i didn’t think i’d be able to keep my eyes open through it! the vicodin and ativan are keeping me drowsy and just a little loopy.
i have two incisions from the port insertion. both were completely covered with large steri-strips, which i’ve had before with no problem. yesterday, the skin at the edges of the strips started blistering, peeling and oozing. my mom, an rn, decided i really needed to call my surgeon. i did and thankfully he returned my call quickly. he said i needed to go ahead and take off the strips. so, while he was still on the phone i began the torturous task.
as the strips came off, so did the scabs over my incisions and the blistered patches of skin (and then some). holy hell, that hurt! the larger incision bled. when i peeled the last strip all the way off, it was still attached to a flap of tearing skin. i grabbed my eyebrow scissors and snip-snipped. ick. nugget daddy ran to the store for some dressing supplies
by this afternoon it had finally stopped oozing, but it’s still nasty and painful.
tomorrow is the come-to-jesus meeting with the oncologist. i’m really, really nervous. we’ll find out the results of the bone marrow biopsy and pet scan. we’ll know what stage it is and what nodes are affected. he’ll tell us what treatment he thinks will be best, when i’ll start and how long it will last.
i can feel myself shutting down more and more with each tick of the clock closer to the appointment time. nugget has been nursing like crazy today. my precious baby girl… i’m so scared for her.
whatchoo talkin' 'bout?